10 years of dilusion

portrait of a relationship that should have gone exemplary, but became a disaster. a couple, heterosexual, both with PhD in the best latin american university. within the most intense moment of their lives, they get toghether. both showing off, going close to the best. going abroad, watching the best out there. being invited to live abroad, in good research groups in US and Europe. they set a heart contract: whoever gets a good place the best place to work, the other will follow. they would work like Pasteur, doing scientific research in family. suddenly, he falls off, goes too much into his bipolar sadness. his brother suicides. through this storm, she keeps supporting him, believing he would some day get better, and become whatever he should become. but he didn t get into her shadows as she wanted him to become. he gives up from his dream of professional success and tries to turn himself into a chef du cuisine. he starts cooking, taking courses, working in good restaurants, and gets aproval of the best cook around: his mother. he finds restaurant kitchens as interesting as scientific labs. both demand creativity and discipline, which brings him peace. but he sets a new deal to open a restaurant, but she does not support him, arguing that the priority of family money was to buy the house. he tries to return to his career, with a work in the brazilian petroleum company. seven months of intense suffering. burocratic work, a mad boss who kept her employees under constant stress. but he stays in this work, because she is pregnant and he has the responsability to give support to the house. they get a beautiful baby. he grows strong, brings happiness to all around. she figures out that her husband will not get right, and will be a shame to the family. she tries to put him out in silence, manipulating the baby against him. but it doesn t work, the baby loves him. she also does not have support from all her friends to get rid off him, because he is a lovely person that seduces all around. he tries to work in restaurants for some time, but gets a job offer that he could not reject. a position in a rich lab to pilot the dream machine of proteomics. the chance he needed to recover the wasted time and become what he wanted to become: a master. but chance was not so friendly with him, the machine broke and tech support in Brazil for this machine was very poor and left it broken for months. his boss put the dogs out over him, and he, as many other from the group, could not withstand the pressure and humiliation. he cries for support from his wife, which worked in the same environment and had contacts to help him. she turns her back on him, fearing that his boss madness could also affect her job. in the same year, they buy an appartment, and with great effort rebuild into a nice place to leave. as her salary much higher than his, she controls better the expenses and he gets bankcrupted. he asks her support, but she denies, arguing that he was wasting his money on his toys instead of buying things for the house. he sells his most valuable thing, a recumbent bike that was a gift from his father. the problems at work get worse, he falls off, getting into a deep depression. he leaves the job and tries to leave the family. she doesn t permit, and he stays for two more years. she becomes the archetype of the modern woman, with an important professional position, a beatiful house and a beautiful kid. but her husband starts to get in contradiction with her perfect life. he has different values, complains about things most people don t care about. he is too much an ousider, that thinks and criticises her people. she no longer needs him, and he starts to shame her family. it is time to get rid off him. they try to find again something in common, to bring value to the relationship. so they get into a governamental program to adopt a child. though this process, in the interviews with the psicologist that evaluates candidate couples for adoption, the weakness of the relationship are put out of the box. so it ends. the family therapy starts just to set the new deal. to prepare the kid for the new environment. so why had I gotten into this sinking boat? to please friends, to please family, forgetting if it was pleasing myself. and when I try to get out of this boat, my family and my friends were not there to support me. my family tried to sink me further, making me guilty for not becoming someone they wanted me to become. for not having a descent job. for screwing the marriage. here i am. alone, but in control of my own life. don t know where it is going to get, but i am sure i can deal with the difficulties and go through them. hope i get someone to live with, to support me in the good and in the bad times. but if i don t get it, i have someone upthere to bring my everlasting peace. amen.